Kitty Krazyness

Some days you should just roll over and not get out of bed. You know it’s one of those day when you piss on the cat.

So we have this new kitten.. it’s turning into a wild thing.. it scampers and runs everywhere.. attacks everything and wants to know what your doing all the time ( as well as participate in what your doing).

As a guy I have sort of got my morning ritual down… and one of the early things in that ritual, even before clothes, is to sleeply go and stand in front of the commode and take a much needed and long piss. ( for those of you offended by piss i thought of saying urinate but it just doesn’t cover the feeling you get when you take that first long piss in the morning. So you will have to live with piss) So back to the moment… my bladder is just crying with relief as I start to piss. All of a sudden I hear a galloping sound.. We have raised wood floors that really let you hear a kitten gallop. It’s impressive. It sounds more like a herd of kittens.
So the kitten hears me pissing and goes into overdrive ..hollering “Hey! Whatcha Doing! funny naked human” while running at light speed to see . She arrives at such speed that she jumps for where the closed lid of the toilet normally is instead of running headlong into the base of the toilet at speed. The only problem is that I’m pissing and the lid isn’t closed. You know how you sometimes see what is comming ahead of time but can’t do anything about it.. it’s sorta like one of those nightmares where you run and run and run and just run too slow. I see the kitten running and just know she is going to jump and I’m trying and trying and trying in that fraction of a second that seems to lasts for hours to stop pissing, but it isn’t happening.. My bladder is now in control and its going “Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!” while im going “NO NO NO oh shit!!”. About this time one small very interested kitten hits the lip of the toilet bowl.. still at full speed… and realizes “oh shit the lid isn’t there!!!” for one fraction of second you see her trying to stop all that momentum.. unsucessfully I might add.. !!!!splash!!!! dead in the center of the toilet looking up at me in shock and dismay is a now wet and being pissed on kitten. My bladder finaly listened to me when the sound of piss hitting the water went away. Pissing on a kitten just doesn’t have the same sound. I now know this for a fact.

You would think that this is the end of the story but its not.. what happens when a cat suddenly becomes wet and in a worst case scenario gets pissed on. Thats right they head out, anywhere but where they are now.Faster than she arrived she left dripping wet with piss. I’m still dealing with a bladder that is unhappy about having been stopped litterly in mid flow and miss my grab for the kitten. Zoom…..a small grey flash heads away leaving a trail of my piss….I’m now in pursuit naked with a mostly still full bladder trying to catch a kitten. Sadly for you but luckly for me the story does end soon.. about the time she got out of the bathroom she stopped in disgust to shake. One slightly larger puddle of my piss on the floor. Scoop.. got one kitten.. deposit in sink and turn water on 🙂 Hold kitten under water to rinse off… watch water spray off of kitten in a 360 degree circle as kitten turns into tasmanian devil and flings water everywhere. Hold kitten under faucet another couple seconds just to get a litte more water on the walls.. water off and put disgusted and struggling kitten in towel and rub… lol.. this part she liked.

You would think this now is the end of the story.. i wish i could say so… but it’s not.. the next morning.. sleeply standing in front of the toilet going “ahhhhh!” it’s DejaVu.. Gallop Gallop Gallop.. “hey funny human guy what are you doing!!” I was quicker this time turning the flow off and the kitten hit the rim of the toilet and did a reverse back to the floor going “oh hell no… your not getting me in there again“. This is good.. or so I think.. no chasing a wet with pee kitten.. catastrophe averted. Let flash forward one more morning. So here we are this morning and I go to take my morning piss… I look around .. no kitten.. I try to piss…. nothing…. I can tell its in there… I talk to it… “it’s safe to come out” no deal.. my bladder just goes ” tell you what dude..just take a seat and I might think about it but don’t let that kitten between me and the bowl”. I think my bladder has been traumatized… I just imagine a kittens gallup and its all over.